The Inner Child

While sitting down to play, have you ever said to yourself, "Oh for God's sake! Here we go again"? You know, another Sicilian. Another King's Indian. A boring Queen's Gambit. Swap off here, swap off there; yep OK, let's just get this over and done with. And that's without having to worry about being dragged into some new variation by some booked up kiddie.

Man, if you could only play chess like you were playing with GI-Joe figures! Like when you were a kid. Well maybe you can.

"C'mon you bastard, Mokele Mbembe will get yaaaaa....!!!"

"Scorpion Grob gooooooo".

"No way, French Spike Attack is way better!"

"Excuse me? I reckon my Hekili-Loa will kick you assssss shit-for-brains!!"

"Keoni-Hiva is waaaayyy cool!"

"Well I reckon my Maria-Molez will molest you all. That's it. Hmph!"

See what I mean? Why can't it be like that? OK, so you couldn't scream at your opponent, although you'd like to. (I tell you, sometimes, I feel like slapping some of them). But you certainly can play like that at least socially.

In case, you're wondering what those fancy names are, they are UCOs - unthordox chess openings. Some bizarre. Some are downright lunacy. Definitely not for pussies. For the crazies out there, there is exactly a site for you. Check out the UCO group on Yahoo.

If you decide to play these openings, I take no responsibility whatsoever for your suffering.